1 00:00:07,398 --> 00:00:08,920 The "Today" show? 2 00:00:08,921 --> 00:00:10,836 We are talking to Pulitzer Prize-winning author 3 00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:13,796 Lindy Littlejohn about her sensational new short story. 4 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:16,103 Reality check, you didn't fucking write it. 5 00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:18,322 You know, everything I write provokes someone. 6 00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:20,758 I'm acting perfectly normal! 7 00:00:20,759 --> 00:00:22,848 Maybe control is his love language. 8 00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:24,371 You ran out saying someone could be dead. 9 00:00:24,372 --> 00:00:26,635 Yeah, Lindy is-- Lindy is having a hard time. 10 00:00:26,852 --> 00:00:28,115 As our size decreased, 11 00:00:28,332 --> 00:00:30,030 our proportional strength increased. 12 00:00:30,247 --> 00:00:32,466 This is your time. 13 00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:33,729 Tell me it's my turn. 14 00:00:33,946 --> 00:00:36,384 My turn is yet to win me the Nobel. 15 00:00:36,601 --> 00:00:38,125 The Nobel? 16 00:00:38,342 --> 00:00:39,822 How can I trust you 17 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,345 if you're gonna expose me like that? 18 00:00:41,563 --> 00:00:43,130 Don't trust me then! 19 00:00:43,347 --> 00:00:44,174 So the seizures have nothing to do with miniaturization? 20 00:00:44,392 --> 00:00:45,436 Completely unrelated. 21 00:00:45,654 --> 00:00:46,655 Lindy? 22 00:00:46,872 --> 00:00:47,872 Right here, Les. 23 00:00:47,873 --> 00:00:49,832 And I can take care of myself. 24 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,573 Lindy? Is that you? 25 00:00:51,790 --> 00:00:53,487 She was going to leave me. It was an accident. 26 00:00:53,488 --> 00:00:56,143 Until you are honest, you are fucked. 27 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:58,100 She left us, didn't she? 28 00:00:58,101 --> 00:01:01,322 Lindy was on the "Today" show this morning. 29 00:01:01,539 --> 00:01:03,106 What? What? What?! 30 00:01:04,934 --> 00:01:07,676 Truth is, I miniaturized you... 31 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:11,158 on purpose. 32 00:01:35,965 --> 00:01:37,140 Whatever. 33 00:01:48,064 --> 00:01:51,720 If I was Mom, what would my password be? 34 00:02:00,250 --> 00:02:01,860 Oh, yeah. 35 00:02:02,426 --> 00:02:05,255 "'Darling Daughter' by Lindy McMichael Littlejohn. 36 00:02:05,473 --> 00:02:09,085 "What if I told you I spent nine months building a jail, 37 00:02:09,259 --> 00:02:12,219 "only to sentence myself to a lifetime in prison? 38 00:02:12,436 --> 00:02:15,744 "That, I've discovered, is what motherhood actually is. 39 00:02:17,441 --> 00:02:22,142 "From her adorable baby's face, those demonic eyes stare out. 40 00:02:22,359 --> 00:02:24,883 "Laughing at me. 'Yes,' she's saying, 41 00:02:25,101 --> 00:02:27,103 "'I've ruined your fucking day again.' 42 00:02:27,582 --> 00:02:29,149 "'Mommy!' She cries. 43 00:02:29,366 --> 00:02:31,151 "Her voice a razor blade to my ears. 44 00:02:31,325 --> 00:02:32,630 "I want her to call out for me. 45 00:02:32,848 --> 00:02:34,283 "I wanna be there for her. 46 00:02:34,284 --> 00:02:36,286 "I want my maternal instinct to kick in. 47 00:02:36,504 --> 00:02:37,766 "Why won't it? 48 00:02:37,983 --> 00:02:39,550 "I dream of a life without a daughter, 49 00:02:39,768 --> 00:02:41,900 "sucking at the teat of inspiration, 50 00:02:42,118 --> 00:02:43,337 "preventing me from being... 51 00:02:43,554 --> 00:02:47,167 "fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck." 52 00:02:48,690 --> 00:02:51,997 Fuck. Mom hates me. 53 00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:09,014 ♪ Maybe it's much ♪ Too early in the game ♪ 54 00:03:11,756 --> 00:03:15,891 ♪ But I thought ♪ ♪ I'd ask you just the same ♪ 55 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:21,288 ♪ What are you doing ♪ ♪ New Year's... ♪ 56 00:03:21,505 --> 00:03:23,246 Got your invitation. 57 00:03:24,334 --> 00:03:26,945 A New Year's Eve brunch for me? 58 00:03:27,163 --> 00:03:29,339 I mean, I'm honored. 59 00:03:29,557 --> 00:03:31,254 But what, uh, what prompted this? 60 00:03:32,386 --> 00:03:33,864 A new perspective. 61 00:03:33,865 --> 00:03:34,866 Huh. 62 00:03:35,998 --> 00:03:38,261 I'm embracing my six-inch self. 63 00:03:38,914 --> 00:03:43,048 But I realized I've been kind of a jerk. 64 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:46,313 Hey, jerk is strong, given the circumstances. 65 00:03:46,530 --> 00:03:49,533 See? You've been nothing but kind, Richard. 66 00:03:49,751 --> 00:03:51,274 And I wanted you to know, 67 00:03:52,188 --> 00:03:55,583 I am grateful for you and your company. 68 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:59,195 "The course of true love never did run smooth." 69 00:03:59,369 --> 00:04:01,328 Shakespeare. - No. 70 00:04:01,545 --> 00:04:03,199 New year, new me. 71 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,942 I'm sorry. - Mom always says, 72 00:04:07,159 --> 00:04:08,639 it's never too late to begin again. 73 00:04:08,857 --> 00:04:10,337 Oh, your mom. 74 00:04:10,554 --> 00:04:11,947 So wise. - Right? 75 00:04:12,164 --> 00:04:13,644 To new beginnings. 76 00:04:13,862 --> 00:04:14,863 You know what else my mom said-- 77 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:16,081 Should we eat? 78 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:17,560 It's just gonna get cold, I think. 79 00:04:17,561 --> 00:04:19,041 - Okay. - Okay. 80 00:04:38,626 --> 00:04:41,281 Oh. 81 00:04:42,456 --> 00:04:44,022 A tremendous success. 82 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:45,981 Subject expanded to regular size 83 00:04:46,198 --> 00:04:48,897 and stabilized for two minutes and 3.3 seconds. 84 00:04:49,114 --> 00:04:52,379 An increase of one minute and 32.7 seconds! 85 00:04:52,596 --> 00:04:54,424 all: Yes! - Whoo! Science progress! 86 00:04:54,642 --> 00:04:57,384 Yeah! Oh. 87 00:04:57,601 --> 00:04:58,863 - Well done. - Yeah! Great job. 88 00:04:59,081 --> 00:05:00,300 - That is well done. - Great job. 89 00:05:00,517 --> 00:05:01,648 - Well done. - Yeah. Slowing the reaction 90 00:05:01,649 --> 00:05:03,303 down, way, way down helped, um... 91 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:04,869 Yes. The, uh, nuclei need time... 92 00:05:05,087 --> 00:05:06,393 Yeah. - ...which is acceptable... 93 00:05:06,610 --> 00:05:08,395 Yes. - ...to form stronger bonds. 94 00:05:08,612 --> 00:05:10,614 Yes. Uh, it's fundamental to--yes, 95 00:05:10,832 --> 00:05:13,486 for those fragile--uh, to cement those connections. 96 00:05:13,487 --> 00:05:15,227 The--or, uh, alliances. 97 00:05:15,402 --> 00:05:17,359 - Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. - Yes. 98 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,101 Are we talking about science? 99 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,146 Yes, Hilton. 100 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,800 We're always talking about science. 101 00:05:23,018 --> 00:05:24,498 This is a lab of science. 102 00:05:24,846 --> 00:05:26,150 Okay. Well, I heard a bang, and then, there was, like, 103 00:05:26,151 --> 00:05:28,110 a cheer of release, so my mind went there. 104 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:29,894 It was in my head. Is there good news? 105 00:05:30,112 --> 00:05:31,418 It was a big win, yes. 106 00:05:31,635 --> 00:05:33,115 Slowing the expansion of the corn 107 00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:36,205 mitigated the molecular disequilibrium, yes. 108 00:05:37,380 --> 00:05:39,426 Translation, it's remarkable progress. 109 00:05:39,643 --> 00:05:41,428 Fuck yeah. We should celebrate. 110 00:05:41,645 --> 00:05:44,082 I'm having a New Year's Eve shindig tonight at my place. 111 00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:46,433 Gonna be amazing food, crazy guest list, 112 00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:48,435 and you are all invited. 113 00:05:48,652 --> 00:05:50,132 Wait, it's New Year's Eve? 114 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:53,353 Uh, I can't go. Uh, it's my anniversary. 115 00:05:53,527 --> 00:05:54,876 Oh. Just bring Lindy. 116 00:05:55,093 --> 00:05:56,267 It'll be great to see her again. 117 00:05:56,268 --> 00:05:58,880 Well, well, uh... 118 00:05:59,533 --> 00:06:03,101 I only organize fantastic parties. 119 00:06:03,319 --> 00:06:05,494 You gotta come. Done. Set. Happy. 120 00:06:05,495 --> 00:06:07,236 See you all there. 121 00:06:08,237 --> 00:06:09,586 Whoo! 122 00:06:10,631 --> 00:06:13,460 Translation, see you all there means Les only. 123 00:06:13,677 --> 00:06:15,157 And you can't say no. 124 00:06:20,423 --> 00:06:21,468 Do you think you'll bring Lindy? 125 00:06:21,685 --> 00:06:22,904 Um, I don't know. 126 00:06:23,121 --> 00:06:25,254 I mean, I--it's--uh, I don't know. 127 00:06:28,213 --> 00:06:29,780 Lindy [on recording]: Hey, I've done a lot of thinking, 128 00:06:29,998 --> 00:06:32,566 and I'm embracing my six-inch self 129 00:06:32,783 --> 00:06:34,568 so, New Year, new me. 130 00:06:34,785 --> 00:06:37,353 I forgive you for shrinking me on purpose. 131 00:06:37,527 --> 00:06:38,920 Meet me in the dollhouse. 132 00:06:39,137 --> 00:06:40,748 I have an anniversary surprise for you. 133 00:06:46,797 --> 00:06:48,103 woman: Oh, the missus? 134 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:49,496 She left. 135 00:06:49,713 --> 00:06:51,193 Was she mad? 136 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,500 woman: She had two glasses of wine and left. 137 00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:54,805 So she was mad. 138 00:06:55,023 --> 00:06:56,503 Maybe disappointed. 139 00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:57,939 That's worse. Isn't it? 140 00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:00,768 Happy New Year. 141 00:07:02,944 --> 00:07:04,336 woman: Charlie, what's happening? 142 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,517 He shouldn't be alone right now. 143 00:07:10,734 --> 00:07:11,822 man: Let him go. 144 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:12,954 Hi. 145 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:15,522 Hi. 146 00:07:19,656 --> 00:07:22,050 - Hey, Lindy. - Hey, Les. 147 00:07:23,486 --> 00:07:24,748 Happy anniversary. 148 00:07:26,489 --> 00:07:28,490 It's okay. Lay into me. I... 149 00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:29,927 I deserve it. 150 00:07:30,145 --> 00:07:31,059 You do. 151 00:07:33,844 --> 00:07:35,455 But I understand. 152 00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:39,023 You do? 153 00:07:39,241 --> 00:07:40,024 You're caught up in your work. 154 00:07:40,242 --> 00:07:41,548 And when you're in it, 155 00:07:41,765 --> 00:07:44,246 you can lose track of birthdays, holidays. 156 00:07:45,421 --> 00:07:47,467 I know I do. Did. 157 00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:51,427 You supported me in the way I needed it, 158 00:07:51,601 --> 00:07:55,344 so I'm supporting you. 159 00:07:57,694 --> 00:07:59,435 - Okay. - Uh-hmm. 160 00:07:59,609 --> 00:08:02,569 So I was mad. 161 00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:06,660 I mean, I was alone in a restaurant 162 00:08:06,877 --> 00:08:08,009 on New Year's Eve. 163 00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:12,579 But then, I came home and I got cozy, 164 00:08:12,796 --> 00:08:14,494 and I was gonna watch the ball drop with Lulu, 165 00:08:14,668 --> 00:08:15,798 but she won't come out of her room. 166 00:08:15,799 --> 00:08:18,019 Probably something to do with Steffy. 167 00:08:18,236 --> 00:08:19,586 And so, I opened up a bottle 168 00:08:19,803 --> 00:08:22,850 of your do-not-touch-until-never wine. 169 00:08:24,721 --> 00:08:26,549 And now I feel better. 170 00:08:28,943 --> 00:08:30,553 I love you. 171 00:08:36,646 --> 00:08:38,430 I love you too. 172 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,131 Feel free to apologize profusely. 173 00:08:43,348 --> 00:08:44,828 - Yeah. - And maybe next time 174 00:08:45,046 --> 00:08:46,437 bring me those chocolates I like from the drugstore. 175 00:08:46,438 --> 00:08:49,311 I am sorry and I apologize profusely for, um, 176 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:52,575 disappointing you and for forgetting our anniversary. 177 00:08:55,404 --> 00:08:56,579 I forgive you. 178 00:09:08,678 --> 00:09:10,375 - It's, like, the big box. - Yeah. 179 00:09:11,768 --> 00:09:14,336 - Well, happy anniversary. - Happy anniversary. 180 00:09:16,077 --> 00:09:17,687 All right. All is forgiven. 181 00:09:21,604 --> 00:09:22,605 Lindy? 182 00:09:25,695 --> 00:09:28,568 Oh, Lindy... 183 00:09:33,529 --> 00:09:34,486 Lindy? 184 00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:37,228 You got me intrigued. 185 00:09:51,939 --> 00:09:54,115 Happy anniversary, honey! 186 00:09:55,029 --> 00:09:57,161 Happy anniversary. 187 00:09:57,379 --> 00:09:58,902 Oh, you remembered! 188 00:10:06,910 --> 00:10:08,564 What is that? 189 00:10:10,131 --> 00:10:11,611 Your surprise. 190 00:10:13,438 --> 00:10:16,877 Oh. I--it's not what you think, Les. 191 00:10:17,094 --> 00:10:19,270 It's exactly what you think. 192 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:23,100 Uh, Richard? Is that really you? 193 00:10:23,318 --> 00:10:24,014 Yeah. 194 00:10:24,232 --> 00:10:25,625 Richard Paul Wear 195 00:10:25,842 --> 00:10:27,757 from your fucking lab. 196 00:10:27,975 --> 00:10:31,368 This is not how I foresaw us having this conversation. 197 00:10:31,369 --> 00:10:34,111 You and him--and her? What? 198 00:10:34,329 --> 00:10:36,548 You thought we would have a conversation? 199 00:10:36,723 --> 00:10:38,028 What? - One day. 200 00:10:38,246 --> 00:10:39,943 As gentlemen. 201 00:10:40,161 --> 00:10:41,423 - How long? - Forever. 202 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,381 Six and a half months. Barely. 203 00:10:43,599 --> 00:10:46,558 - Uh, why him? - He's not you! 204 00:10:46,733 --> 00:10:48,735 It was a chance encounter. Um, but you have-- 205 00:10:48,952 --> 00:10:50,171 Lindy, how could you? Because I... 206 00:10:50,388 --> 00:10:51,781 I told you the truth. 207 00:10:51,999 --> 00:10:53,740 I poured my heart out to you. 208 00:10:53,957 --> 00:10:56,438 I was vulnerable. And now this? Why? Why? 209 00:10:56,656 --> 00:11:00,747 I did it... on purpose! 210 00:11:00,964 --> 00:11:01,791 On purpose? 211 00:11:02,009 --> 00:11:03,750 Yeah, he knows why. 212 00:11:03,967 --> 00:11:05,142 But you forgave me. 213 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:07,971 I lied! 214 00:11:11,061 --> 00:11:13,411 How dare you. How dare me? 215 00:11:13,629 --> 00:11:16,763 So, you can lie, leave a voice note, and what? 216 00:11:16,980 --> 00:11:17,980 You're Abraham Lincoln? 217 00:11:17,981 --> 00:11:21,419 You baited me on a voice note, 218 00:11:21,637 --> 00:11:24,379 and then you exploited our wedding anniversary, 219 00:11:24,596 --> 00:11:25,772 and then you reveal you're having an affair 220 00:11:25,989 --> 00:11:27,599 with my physicist? 221 00:11:27,774 --> 00:11:28,991 How is that the same? 222 00:11:28,992 --> 00:11:32,430 It's not. It's meant to be worse! 223 00:11:32,648 --> 00:11:34,476 I was lying to be kind... 224 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:35,782 - No, no. - ...to spare your feelings. 225 00:11:35,999 --> 00:11:37,784 A lie is a lie! 226 00:11:38,001 --> 00:11:40,308 As someone who has been lied to as well. 227 00:11:40,525 --> 00:11:43,224 - You! You're my colleague. - Yes. 228 00:11:43,441 --> 00:11:44,833 That's my wife. - I know. 229 00:11:44,834 --> 00:11:46,793 Richard, what in the name of science? 230 00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:48,795 Like, what the... fuck?! 231 00:11:50,666 --> 00:11:55,062 What the fucking fuck?! 232 00:11:55,279 --> 00:11:56,498 Fuck! 233 00:12:04,854 --> 00:12:09,119 This is not fucking funny! 234 00:12:09,337 --> 00:12:12,296 You're holding a pillow over your tiny junk. 235 00:12:12,514 --> 00:12:13,733 It's so tiny. 236 00:12:13,907 --> 00:12:15,691 You're both so tiny. 237 00:12:15,865 --> 00:12:17,084 Oop, there's the tiny bum. 238 00:12:17,301 --> 00:12:19,520 That's so cute. Fuck you! 239 00:12:19,521 --> 00:12:21,828 I am gonna fucking kill you! 240 00:12:22,045 --> 00:12:24,873 - Oh, yeah? Try. - I'm fucking--you're a liar! 241 00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:26,833 You lied! - What's that? 242 00:12:27,050 --> 00:12:28,486 Did you say something? - I--fuck you! 243 00:12:28,704 --> 00:12:32,752 You made me this way! I fucking hate you! 244 00:12:33,927 --> 00:12:37,844 - I think you dropped this. - Fuck you! 245 00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:39,541 Are you tap dancing? 246 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,848 No. Fuck you. Fuck you. 247 00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:44,328 Hey, hey, I think this has gone far enough. 248 00:12:45,547 --> 00:12:47,723 You know what, Richard? 249 00:12:47,897 --> 00:12:49,377 I think you're right. 250 00:12:55,557 --> 00:12:56,950 Hold on. 251 00:13:02,129 --> 00:13:04,696 This is not good. - Oh, you think? You think? 252 00:13:04,871 --> 00:13:06,873 I can't believe you did this on purpose. 253 00:13:07,090 --> 00:13:08,744 On purpose? Why would you do that? 254 00:13:08,918 --> 00:13:10,790 - You don't--Richard, hey, hey. - Oh, my God. I feel sick. 255 00:13:10,964 --> 00:13:13,270 - This is not about you, okay? - Where is my mom? 256 00:13:13,488 --> 00:13:14,794 Oh, no! 257 00:13:14,968 --> 00:13:17,144 No! Richard! 258 00:13:17,361 --> 00:13:18,885 Les, Les, we gotta talk about this. 259 00:13:19,102 --> 00:13:20,060 Les, please. 260 00:13:20,277 --> 00:13:21,539 No man could've resisted 261 00:13:21,757 --> 00:13:23,541 the siren song of that woman. 262 00:13:23,759 --> 00:13:25,500 The beguiling web she weaved. 263 00:13:25,717 --> 00:13:27,894 The hypnotic allure of that brunch. 264 00:13:28,111 --> 00:13:30,331 She deceived me! She deceived both of us! 265 00:13:30,548 --> 00:13:32,115 No. 266 00:13:32,333 --> 00:13:36,641 You deceived me, Richard, for six and a half months. 267 00:13:37,991 --> 00:13:39,339 We share thoughts, we share science. 268 00:13:39,340 --> 00:13:41,908 We do not share my wife. 269 00:13:42,125 --> 00:13:43,910 Les, I'm sorry. Nothing happened between us. 270 00:13:44,127 --> 00:13:45,301 I... 271 00:13:45,302 --> 00:13:46,913 Okay, you're squeezing kind of tightly. 272 00:13:47,957 --> 00:13:48,871 Les. 273 00:13:49,959 --> 00:13:51,221 Please. Okay. 274 00:13:51,439 --> 00:13:53,310 Oh, where are we going? 275 00:13:53,528 --> 00:13:54,963 Les, no, no, no. No, no, no. Les. 276 00:13:54,964 --> 00:13:56,618 Hello, Dolores. Les, please. 277 00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,751 Les. No. Les, you can't do this. 278 00:13:59,926 --> 00:14:01,928 Please. Les. Les! 279 00:14:02,145 --> 00:14:03,015 Les, no! No, please! 280 00:14:03,016 --> 00:14:04,669 Les. Les. Les, no, no, no. 281 00:14:11,372 --> 00:14:13,635 No! No! 282 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,158 No! Please, stop! 283 00:14:15,376 --> 00:14:16,812 Oh, I think I'm gonna throw up. 284 00:14:22,252 --> 00:14:24,211 Please, in the name of science! 285 00:14:24,428 --> 00:14:25,952 How dare you blaspheme science? 286 00:14:26,169 --> 00:14:27,954 - No, no. - On top of everything else. 287 00:14:28,171 --> 00:14:29,956 No! Please! No, no. 288 00:14:30,173 --> 00:14:31,609 Meet your new playmate, pretty bird. 289 00:14:31,827 --> 00:14:33,829 - Please, no. - His name is Fuck You. 290 00:14:34,003 --> 00:14:35,003 I don't wanna play with a bird. 291 00:14:35,004 --> 00:14:36,614 I don't wanna play with a bird. 292 00:14:36,832 --> 00:14:38,051 Oh! 293 00:14:38,268 --> 00:14:39,356 Oh! Oh! 294 00:14:40,662 --> 00:14:42,707 Oh, my God, no! 295 00:14:43,926 --> 00:14:46,929 It's, uh, Dolores, right? 296 00:14:48,844 --> 00:14:51,673 Good birdie. Good birdie. 297 00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:52,674 Hey. 298 00:14:53,762 --> 00:14:56,417 Oh. Uh, the pen. 299 00:14:56,634 --> 00:14:58,680 Is the pen truly mightier than the sword? 300 00:14:59,681 --> 00:15:01,901 En garde! 301 00:15:02,379 --> 00:15:04,294 I'm coming, Richard. I'm coming. 302 00:15:09,212 --> 00:15:10,213 Oh. 303 00:15:11,780 --> 00:15:12,999 Shit. 304 00:15:13,216 --> 00:15:14,696 Okay. Okay. 305 00:15:18,482 --> 00:15:20,136 Oh, what is he doing? 306 00:15:29,232 --> 00:15:30,973 What is that? 307 00:15:31,582 --> 00:15:33,671 Shut the fuck up, Space Anus. 308 00:15:41,592 --> 00:15:42,985 Live in darkness. 309 00:16:10,056 --> 00:16:11,057 Richard? 310 00:16:13,276 --> 00:16:14,538 Richie! 311 00:16:27,203 --> 00:16:28,204 Richard! 312 00:16:31,686 --> 00:16:32,774 Richie. 313 00:16:39,302 --> 00:16:40,216 Richard! 314 00:16:45,308 --> 00:16:46,222 Richie! 315 00:16:48,311 --> 00:16:50,313 Richard! Where are you? 316 00:16:51,575 --> 00:16:54,883 Richie? I'm sorry. 317 00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:57,016 I know this is all my fault. 318 00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:59,757 Oh, fuck. 319 00:16:59,975 --> 00:17:01,411 That is a lot of texts. 320 00:17:03,718 --> 00:17:05,241 Wait. 321 00:17:07,852 --> 00:17:09,028 What? 322 00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:13,205 No. Oh, my God. 323 00:17:13,206 --> 00:17:14,511 What is she...? 324 00:17:16,383 --> 00:17:18,340 Good morning. We recently featured 325 00:17:18,341 --> 00:17:20,561 Pulitzer Prize-winning author Lindy Littlejohn 326 00:17:20,778 --> 00:17:23,215 on the Read with Jenna segment of our show. 327 00:17:23,216 --> 00:17:25,783 We've learned Lindy's been accused of plagiarizing 328 00:17:26,001 --> 00:17:27,829 her recently published New Yorker short story, 329 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,700 "Untitled on Purpose." 330 00:17:29,918 --> 00:17:32,355 The shocking allegation originated from an unexpected 331 00:17:32,573 --> 00:17:35,315 and personal place, a viral TikTok video 332 00:17:35,532 --> 00:17:37,317 posted by the author's own daughter... 333 00:17:37,534 --> 00:17:39,319 ...Louise Littlejohn. 334 00:17:39,536 --> 00:17:43,584 So, my mom is a, quote, "successful writer," unquote. 335 00:17:43,801 --> 00:17:46,239 - Lulu! - She wrote one book 336 00:17:46,456 --> 00:17:47,936 150 years ago. 337 00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:51,026 Anyway, this week, out of nowhere, 338 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,768 Mom drops a short story in The New Yorker? 339 00:17:53,985 --> 00:17:56,422 And everyone loses their [bleep] over it. 340 00:17:56,423 --> 00:18:00,340 Well, I'm gonna let you in on a big secret. 341 00:18:00,557 --> 00:18:03,125 My mom didn't write it. 342 00:18:03,343 --> 00:18:05,954 She stole it from one of her students. 343 00:18:06,128 --> 00:18:07,564 What the actual fuck? The truth is, my mom 344 00:18:07,782 --> 00:18:09,175 doesn't even write anymore. 345 00:18:09,392 --> 00:18:10,741 She spends her days watching Housewives 346 00:18:10,959 --> 00:18:12,526 and making fake Paris Review accounts 347 00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:14,354 so she can [bleep] talk other writers. 348 00:18:14,571 --> 00:18:15,964 You... 349 00:18:16,138 --> 00:18:17,618 We were unable to reach Lindy Littlejohn 350 00:18:17,835 --> 00:18:20,011 directly for comment, but we were able to reach 351 00:18:20,186 --> 00:18:23,145 the author's mother, Diane McMichael Jones, 352 00:18:23,363 --> 00:18:25,365 who is widely suspected to have inspired 353 00:18:25,582 --> 00:18:27,367 the mother character in her daughter's 354 00:18:27,584 --> 00:18:29,369 Pulitzer Prize-winning debut novel, 355 00:18:29,586 --> 00:18:31,632 My Rainbow Starts with Black. 356 00:18:31,849 --> 00:18:33,329 No, I have no comment. 357 00:18:35,418 --> 00:18:37,290 Except to say, 358 00:18:37,507 --> 00:18:39,901 I haven't read Lindy's little story. 359 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,903 But I will say, I didn't care for her portrayal 360 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,644 of the mother character in her novel. 361 00:18:45,211 --> 00:18:46,647 The real crime is that Lindy made me out 362 00:18:46,864 --> 00:18:50,346 to be a terrible mother, which I'm not. 363 00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,263 What a wild, unexpected turn 364 00:18:54,481 --> 00:18:55,698 for Lindy Littlejohn. 365 00:18:55,699 --> 00:18:57,136 We'll continue to follow this story 366 00:18:57,310 --> 00:19:00,269 and keep you updated as it develops. 367 00:19:03,316 --> 00:19:05,622 Lulu [on video]: I'm gonna let you in on a big secret. 368 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:08,234 My mom didn't write it. 369 00:19:08,451 --> 00:19:11,280 She stole it from one of her students. 370 00:19:11,498 --> 00:19:13,674 The truth is, my mom doesn't even write anymore. 371 00:19:13,891 --> 00:19:15,893 She spends her days watching Housewives 372 00:19:16,111 --> 00:19:17,634 and making fake Paris Review accounts 373 00:19:17,852 --> 00:19:19,419 so she can shit talk other writers. 374 00:19:19,636 --> 00:19:21,376 St. Lulu DeLulu. 375 00:19:21,377 --> 00:19:22,857 Oh, sorry. I didn't hear my name. 376 00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:24,293 I didn't call it. 377 00:19:24,511 --> 00:19:26,121 I want to bring it to you personally. 378 00:19:26,295 --> 00:19:27,731 Oh. 379 00:19:27,949 --> 00:19:29,907 Okay. Thank you. 380 00:19:30,125 --> 00:19:31,518 barista: I also have a complicated 381 00:19:31,735 --> 00:19:32,649 relationship with my mother. 382 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,696 Here, a cakepop, on me. 383 00:19:35,913 --> 00:19:37,741 I hope you like vanilla. 384 00:19:37,959 --> 00:19:40,179 - Thank you. - Thank you, St. Lulu DeLulu. 385 00:19:53,583 --> 00:19:55,368 ♪ This time of night ♪ ♪ Feels like ♪ 386 00:19:55,585 --> 00:19:58,675 ♪ I'm losing my mind to find ♪ 387 00:19:58,893 --> 00:20:02,157 ♪ The smell of blood ♪ ♪ In my dreams ♪ 388 00:20:04,420 --> 00:20:08,946 ♪ Darkness and silence bring ♪ The fear in your eyes ♪ 389 00:20:34,058 --> 00:20:35,495 Here's to us. 390 00:20:35,712 --> 00:20:36,713 I thought you were bringing an us. 391 00:20:36,931 --> 00:20:37,714 No, fuck that us. 392 00:20:37,932 --> 00:20:39,150 New Year, new Les. 393 00:20:39,325 --> 00:20:41,196 Wow, who knew? Hey! 394 00:20:42,676 --> 00:20:44,025 No Lindy tonight? 395 00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:45,026 No, no, she's at home, under a blanket, 396 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:46,375 not in a party mood, no. 397 00:20:46,593 --> 00:20:48,725 Oh. Well, I can't say I blame her. 398 00:20:48,943 --> 00:20:52,729 Uh, that interview turned into quite the Greek tragedy. 399 00:20:52,947 --> 00:20:54,208 But you can tell me. 400 00:20:54,209 --> 00:20:56,733 I won't tell anyone other than everyone. 401 00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:00,128 Did she do it? Plagiarize the story? 402 00:21:00,302 --> 00:21:01,738 Oh, I don't know. 403 00:21:01,956 --> 00:21:03,305 What? I don't know. 404 00:21:03,523 --> 00:21:06,177 Right answer. Deny, deny, deny. 405 00:21:06,352 --> 00:21:07,526 All set for tonight? 406 00:21:07,527 --> 00:21:08,745 Everything is in place. Great. 407 00:21:08,963 --> 00:21:10,094 General Henderson: Hilton. - Oh, General. 408 00:21:10,965 --> 00:21:13,359 - May I have a word? - Oh, of course. 409 00:21:13,576 --> 00:21:14,708 Looking forward to the party trick. 410 00:21:15,883 --> 00:21:18,320 - Party trick? What? - A performance. 411 00:21:18,538 --> 00:21:20,757 There are several important private equity investors here 412 00:21:20,975 --> 00:21:22,281 that Hilton would love to impress 413 00:21:22,455 --> 00:21:23,630 with a preview of your tech. 414 00:21:23,847 --> 00:21:25,458 Absolutely not. 415 00:21:25,675 --> 00:21:28,765 I am a scientist, not a party clown. 416 00:21:28,983 --> 00:21:30,767 You know the tech is incomplete. What am I supposed to do? 417 00:21:30,985 --> 00:21:32,203 Fake it? No. 418 00:21:32,378 --> 00:21:34,771 It's just a preview, short and sweet. 419 00:21:34,989 --> 00:21:36,643 The corn is small, ta-da. 420 00:21:37,208 --> 00:21:39,776 The corn is big, ta-da. End of story. 421 00:21:39,994 --> 00:21:41,168 - It's fraud. - It's sales. 422 00:21:41,169 --> 00:21:43,780 It's my ass in prison is what it is. 423 00:21:43,998 --> 00:21:45,956 I've already got a journalist poking around the lab, 424 00:21:46,174 --> 00:21:47,784 asking questions about Bob the Explainer's 425 00:21:48,002 --> 00:21:49,307 MedBot brother-in-law. 426 00:21:49,308 --> 00:21:50,831 What's to stop Nils exposing me? 427 00:21:52,049 --> 00:21:54,704 Let me worry about Nils and your ass. 428 00:21:55,314 --> 00:21:56,880 It is one worth saving. 429 00:21:57,707 --> 00:22:00,014 Tonight, the only thing on your mind 430 00:22:00,231 --> 00:22:02,843 should be Nobel. 431 00:22:03,409 --> 00:22:04,801 Nobel? 432 00:22:05,019 --> 00:22:05,846 Nobel. 433 00:22:10,154 --> 00:22:11,895 Do you see what I see? 434 00:22:17,031 --> 00:22:19,294 That's Dr. Emil Schaffhausen. 435 00:22:19,468 --> 00:22:20,643 Nobel Prize recipient 436 00:22:20,861 --> 00:22:22,036 and current committee member. 437 00:22:22,253 --> 00:22:23,385 Chair, in fact. 438 00:22:23,603 --> 00:22:25,125 Oh, I did my postgraduate work 439 00:22:25,126 --> 00:22:27,694 on Dr. Schaffhausen's Theory of Entanglement Swapping. 440 00:22:27,911 --> 00:22:29,478 He is a bona fide science genius. 441 00:22:29,696 --> 00:22:31,131 Yes. Yes, yes, yes. 442 00:22:31,132 --> 00:22:33,003 Just imagine what the support of a man like that 443 00:22:33,221 --> 00:22:35,092 would do for your career. 444 00:22:35,876 --> 00:22:37,268 It's just a preview, 445 00:22:38,182 --> 00:22:42,665 short and sweet, small and big. 446 00:22:44,319 --> 00:22:45,538 Ta-da. 447 00:23:00,117 --> 00:23:01,902 Hey, why are you here? 448 00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:03,164 Why are any of us here? 449 00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:04,861 Oh, God. Is this where we are? 450 00:23:05,079 --> 00:23:07,560 Um, well, everyone else is, uh, down the hall, 451 00:23:07,777 --> 00:23:08,951 getting drunk as hell, watching the tourists 452 00:23:08,952 --> 00:23:10,867 in Times Square freeze their asses off. 453 00:23:11,085 --> 00:23:13,304 We're doing a shot every time a police horse takes a dump. 454 00:23:14,741 --> 00:23:16,351 I need something different in my life. 455 00:23:21,225 --> 00:23:22,575 What's this? 456 00:23:23,314 --> 00:23:24,707 Something different. 457 00:23:29,973 --> 00:23:32,411 - Did you open this? - No--yes. 458 00:23:32,585 --> 00:23:33,890 It's my job. My eyes, then yours. 459 00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:49,427 Oh, fuck! 460 00:23:49,428 --> 00:23:50,385 What do I do? 461 00:23:51,517 --> 00:23:53,214 It's him. I know it. 462 00:23:53,432 --> 00:23:54,781 - You answer it. - You answer it. 463 00:23:54,998 --> 00:23:56,304 It's your job. 464 00:23:57,653 --> 00:24:00,526 I'm actually off the clock, so you answer it. 465 00:24:00,743 --> 00:24:01,788 Fuck. 466 00:24:02,005 --> 00:24:03,180 Okay. 467 00:24:07,446 --> 00:24:08,795 Hello, this is Terry. 468 00:24:09,012 --> 00:24:10,840 Yeah, it's me. - It's Lindy. 469 00:24:11,058 --> 00:24:11,972 Oh, I'm not missing this shit show. 470 00:24:12,189 --> 00:24:14,496 Your phone is off. 471 00:24:14,714 --> 00:24:16,237 For just this reason. 472 00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:19,849 You're hiding from me because you failed me. 473 00:24:20,328 --> 00:24:21,024 No, no, no, no, no. 474 00:24:21,242 --> 00:24:23,157 You failed me. 475 00:24:23,374 --> 00:24:25,464 What happened to do nothing, say nothing? 476 00:24:25,638 --> 00:24:27,422 You don't understand. 477 00:24:27,596 --> 00:24:29,337 I am so small. 478 00:24:29,511 --> 00:24:31,644 I needed something. 479 00:24:32,775 --> 00:24:36,953 Well, you're about to get smaller. 480 00:24:37,171 --> 00:24:38,955 Lindy, the damage has been done. 481 00:24:39,173 --> 00:24:40,827 The Pulitzer committee is meeting 482 00:24:41,044 --> 00:24:42,481 and there's talk of rescinding your award. 483 00:24:42,655 --> 00:24:43,960 What? No. 484 00:24:44,178 --> 00:24:46,223 No, not--no, they can't. 485 00:24:46,441 --> 00:24:48,835 They can. And they most likely will. 486 00:24:49,052 --> 00:24:49,966 But... 487 00:24:51,490 --> 00:24:53,970 but what am I without it? 488 00:24:56,277 --> 00:24:57,931 A former client. 489 00:24:59,889 --> 00:25:00,977 Terry... 490 00:25:01,935 --> 00:25:03,110 Brutal but warranted. 491 00:25:03,937 --> 00:25:05,416 Lindy, I tried. I really tried, 492 00:25:05,591 --> 00:25:07,809 but I'm somehow still clean in this, this, this... 493 00:25:07,810 --> 00:25:09,986 Shit storm, shit sandwich, a shitnado. 494 00:25:10,204 --> 00:25:11,466 ...shitnado. 495 00:25:12,075 --> 00:25:13,076 I warned you, Lindy, 496 00:25:13,294 --> 00:25:15,557 and you chose Jenna over me. 497 00:25:15,775 --> 00:25:18,995 Over our friendship, our partnership. 498 00:25:19,213 --> 00:25:21,215 I can't--I can't believe I'm saying this, 499 00:25:21,432 --> 00:25:23,130 but I, I... 500 00:25:29,049 --> 00:25:31,007 I'm officially cutting ties with you. 501 00:25:32,052 --> 00:25:33,227 Terry... 502 00:25:34,271 --> 00:25:36,012 please. No. 503 00:25:36,230 --> 00:25:37,623 Please don't leave me. I... 504 00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:39,407 I have no one. 505 00:25:39,581 --> 00:25:41,801 I am totally alone here. 506 00:25:42,018 --> 00:25:45,631 I, uh--my own mother, my daughter, my husband, 507 00:25:45,848 --> 00:25:47,023 Les fuckin' hates me. 508 00:25:47,241 --> 00:25:50,418 Uh, it is truly over between us now, 509 00:25:50,592 --> 00:25:53,247 and I can't lose you, too. 510 00:25:55,902 --> 00:25:57,686 I'm sorry it's come to this. 511 00:26:09,785 --> 00:26:11,918 Hey, you had to. I know it's hard. 512 00:26:12,135 --> 00:26:13,267 I'll miss her, too. 513 00:26:14,137 --> 00:26:16,270 Oh, um, Ms. Holden, Happy New Year. 514 00:26:16,487 --> 00:26:17,967 Nothing happy, nothing new. 515 00:26:18,185 --> 00:26:19,708 Why did you offer a Jackie Baldwin 516 00:26:20,274 --> 00:26:22,668 a six-figure book deal when I've seen no Jackie, 517 00:26:22,885 --> 00:26:24,757 no book, no email, no proposal? 518 00:26:24,974 --> 00:26:26,846 Cyd, she is the next big thing. 519 00:26:27,063 --> 00:26:28,499 Yeah, well, you better hope so. 520 00:26:28,674 --> 00:26:31,677 No Lindy, no Jackie, no imprint. 521 00:26:34,375 --> 00:26:35,942 Love the top. 522 00:26:37,117 --> 00:26:38,727 Paper trail, you're unclean. 523 00:26:39,815 --> 00:26:41,077 So are you. 524 00:26:41,991 --> 00:26:43,079 Fuck. 525 00:26:59,095 --> 00:27:00,836 Yeah. 526 00:27:01,054 --> 00:27:05,275 Now, I need a volunteer. 527 00:27:08,322 --> 00:27:09,236 Sir. 528 00:27:24,773 --> 00:27:28,255 That's fantastisch. That's wonderful. 529 00:27:29,386 --> 00:27:31,606 The corn has been miniaturized 530 00:27:31,780 --> 00:27:35,566 into what appears to be one-tenth its original size. 531 00:27:35,741 --> 00:27:38,308 One-twelfth, to be precise. 532 00:27:38,526 --> 00:27:39,658 And now... 533 00:28:04,378 --> 00:28:06,032 I did not expect... 534 00:28:06,249 --> 00:28:07,990 - Two-minute warning. - Not now. 535 00:28:08,208 --> 00:28:10,340 These are serious implications, you know. 536 00:28:10,558 --> 00:28:11,951 You must be-- - Dr. Littlejohn, 537 00:28:12,168 --> 00:28:13,561 it's been an explosive evening. 538 00:28:13,735 --> 00:28:15,302 Sir, uh... 539 00:28:18,392 --> 00:28:21,003 Quick, the corn, go. 540 00:28:25,399 --> 00:28:26,922 Here we are. I was just saying 541 00:28:27,140 --> 00:28:30,360 to, um, Dr. Schaffhausen, who was expecting an explosion, 542 00:28:30,578 --> 00:28:33,276 how clever it was that we mitigated the explosion 543 00:28:33,494 --> 00:28:35,365 by storing the exothermally generated energy 544 00:28:35,583 --> 00:28:37,237 on a subatomic level. 545 00:28:37,454 --> 00:28:38,368 Yes, it was an explosive... 546 00:28:40,196 --> 00:28:40,980 ...discovery. 547 00:28:44,766 --> 00:28:46,550 To an explosive New Year! 548 00:28:46,725 --> 00:28:47,856 man: Yeah! 549 00:29:00,782 --> 00:29:03,219 I've hit rock bottom. 550 00:29:07,267 --> 00:29:08,834 It's all fucking gone. 551 00:29:11,445 --> 00:29:13,229 What is the point? 552 00:29:23,065 --> 00:29:25,328 Richie, you're alive. 553 00:29:25,546 --> 00:29:26,590 Oh, my God. 554 00:29:26,765 --> 00:29:28,331 No, no, no. You disgust me. 555 00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:32,248 I-I mean it. I'm disgusted. 556 00:29:32,466 --> 00:29:33,814 It consumes me. 557 00:29:33,815 --> 00:29:37,993 My heart, my mind, my soul, everything hurts. 558 00:29:38,211 --> 00:29:40,430 Richie. Oh, God, I'm so sorry. 559 00:29:40,648 --> 00:29:42,215 But I-- - But... 560 00:29:42,432 --> 00:29:43,956 - Well, but-- - But... 561 00:29:45,479 --> 00:29:48,699 a true apology should never include a qualifier. 562 00:29:49,526 --> 00:29:50,832 You're right. 563 00:29:51,485 --> 00:29:53,443 I'm sorry. No but. 564 00:29:53,661 --> 00:29:55,402 What I did was inexcusable. 565 00:29:57,491 --> 00:29:59,885 I had no idea Les was gonna react like that. 566 00:30:00,102 --> 00:30:02,104 I didn't think it through. I... 567 00:30:02,322 --> 00:30:04,454 I suppose a reaction of that magnitude 568 00:30:04,672 --> 00:30:05,542 couldn't have been predicted. 569 00:30:06,152 --> 00:30:07,588 I, uh, I need you... 570 00:30:08,937 --> 00:30:10,330 now more than ever. 571 00:30:10,547 --> 00:30:13,724 You have no idea what has happened to me. 572 00:30:13,899 --> 00:30:14,769 - What happened... - I-- 573 00:30:14,943 --> 00:30:15,944 ...to you? 574 00:30:16,162 --> 00:30:17,859 Uh, yeah. The--this-- 575 00:30:18,860 --> 00:30:20,470 I have the floor. 576 00:30:20,688 --> 00:30:21,688 Okay. 577 00:30:21,689 --> 00:30:23,473 I'm gonna finish my monologue. 578 00:30:23,691 --> 00:30:24,865 Of course. 579 00:30:24,866 --> 00:30:27,782 I was forced to do unspeakable things 580 00:30:27,956 --> 00:30:29,523 to one of God's beloved creatures. 581 00:30:29,740 --> 00:30:33,483 I was coerced into abandoning my moral code 582 00:30:33,701 --> 00:30:36,486 and playing a part in your marital folly, 583 00:30:36,704 --> 00:30:38,445 but I am not above reproach. 584 00:30:39,576 --> 00:30:41,361 I am guilty on two counts. 585 00:30:41,578 --> 00:30:42,797 One, in the name of love, 586 00:30:42,971 --> 00:30:47,584 and the other, in the name of science. 587 00:30:47,802 --> 00:30:49,412 I believe in Les. 588 00:30:49,630 --> 00:30:52,502 I believe he'll solve the restoration formula 589 00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:54,287 before his 30-day deadline. 590 00:30:54,504 --> 00:30:56,550 And I will beg him... 591 00:30:58,421 --> 00:30:59,988 to forgive me, 592 00:31:00,206 --> 00:31:03,513 then I will throw myself at the mercy of science 593 00:31:03,731 --> 00:31:07,039 in the hopes of being restored to my regular size. 594 00:31:10,129 --> 00:31:12,871 Did you say 30-day deadline? 595 00:31:14,742 --> 00:31:16,526 - That is what you heard? - No. 596 00:31:16,744 --> 00:31:18,354 No, I heard, uh-- I heard it all. 597 00:31:18,572 --> 00:31:22,532 The folly, and the Les, and the--uh, but what-- 598 00:31:22,750 --> 00:31:23,619 - But? - But... 599 00:31:23,620 --> 00:31:24,752 - But? - But what the fuck 600 00:31:24,926 --> 00:31:26,492 is the 30-day deadline? 601 00:31:26,493 --> 00:31:27,929 According to the contract, 602 00:31:28,147 --> 00:31:31,193 Les has 30 days to solve the formula 603 00:31:31,411 --> 00:31:34,327 or he's fired and the tech reverts to Hilton. 604 00:31:34,544 --> 00:31:37,199 He has 22 days left. 605 00:31:39,593 --> 00:31:42,378 He only ever had 30 days? 606 00:31:42,596 --> 00:31:43,640 And now he only has... 607 00:31:43,858 --> 00:31:45,860 - Twenty-two. - Oh, my God. 608 00:31:46,034 --> 00:31:48,080 Oh, it's closer to 21, actually. 609 00:31:49,168 --> 00:31:51,561 Another fuckin' lie! 610 00:31:51,779 --> 00:31:53,607 Oh, my golly. Right? 611 00:31:53,824 --> 00:31:55,348 No. - Wait. Where are you going? 612 00:31:55,565 --> 00:31:58,655 - I need space from you. - Okay. But... 613 00:32:00,266 --> 00:32:02,311 I'm getting my own place. 614 00:32:06,620 --> 00:32:07,926 Fucking Les. 615 00:32:09,057 --> 00:32:11,538 He's gonna pay for this. 616 00:32:17,283 --> 00:32:18,892 Lindy [on recording]: What kind of monster 617 00:32:18,893 --> 00:32:20,764 makes a horrible TikTok video about their own mother? 618 00:32:20,939 --> 00:32:23,376 You are a spoiled child and a lying liar. 619 00:32:23,593 --> 00:32:26,291 Whoo, Mommy mad. 620 00:32:26,292 --> 00:32:28,250 If you thought that was crazy, 621 00:32:28,468 --> 00:32:32,776 wait until you hear DJ Todd's remix! 622 00:32:36,432 --> 00:32:38,259 Yo, mic drop. Mic drop! 623 00:32:38,260 --> 00:32:39,958 crowd [chanting]: Mic drop! Mic drop! 624 00:32:40,175 --> 00:32:41,785 ♪ Liar, liar, lie, liar ♪ 625 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:43,222 ♪ Liar, liar, lying liar, ♪ 626 00:32:43,439 --> 00:32:45,092 ♪ Liar, lie, lie, liar ♪ 627 00:32:45,093 --> 00:32:46,790 ♪ Monster, monster ♪ 628 00:32:46,965 --> 00:32:48,183 ♪ Liar, liar... ♪ - Mic Drop. 629 00:32:48,401 --> 00:32:51,708 - Hey, want a shot? - Yeah. Okay. 630 00:32:51,926 --> 00:32:52,971 ♪ Monster, monster ♪ 631 00:32:53,406 --> 00:32:55,102 ♪ What kind of monster ♪ 632 00:32:55,103 --> 00:32:56,190 ♪ Makes a horrible ♪ ♪ TikTok video ♪ 633 00:32:56,191 --> 00:32:57,279 ♪ About their own mother? ♪ 634 00:32:57,497 --> 00:32:58,628 ♪ You are a spoiled child ♪ 635 00:32:58,846 --> 00:32:59,977 ♪ And a lying liar ♪ 636 00:32:59,978 --> 00:33:01,675 ♪ What kind of monster... ♪ 637 00:33:02,981 --> 00:33:04,504 Who are you? 638 00:33:04,721 --> 00:33:06,331 - What? - Who are you? 639 00:33:06,332 --> 00:33:08,508 I don't recognize you. 640 00:33:08,725 --> 00:33:11,380 I'm St. Lulu DeLulu. 641 00:33:11,598 --> 00:33:12,816 You got half that right. 642 00:33:12,991 --> 00:33:13,992 Hey, I read the book. 643 00:33:14,166 --> 00:33:16,820 How fuckin' Lindy was my move? 644 00:33:16,995 --> 00:33:19,823 - Very. - See? 645 00:33:19,998 --> 00:33:21,260 I think you missed the point. 646 00:33:21,477 --> 00:33:22,913 That was the point. 647 00:33:25,220 --> 00:33:26,613 Want another drink? 648 00:33:26,830 --> 00:33:28,832 - Sure, boss. - Me too! 649 00:33:29,007 --> 00:33:31,400 Pace yourself, DeLulu. 650 00:33:40,670 --> 00:33:41,932 Can I fuckin' help you? 651 00:33:42,107 --> 00:33:43,847 I don't want your help. 652 00:33:44,022 --> 00:33:46,720 Wow, judgment from the shirtless wonder. 653 00:33:46,937 --> 00:33:49,288 - She's your mom. - She's a liar. 654 00:33:49,505 --> 00:33:51,116 You'll regret it. 655 00:33:51,333 --> 00:33:52,900 Fuck that. 656 00:33:53,074 --> 00:33:56,251 I am her literal regret. 657 00:33:56,469 --> 00:33:58,906 Well, you sure are living up to that title, aren't you? 658 00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:02,866 ♪ Pull me places ♪ ♪ To the end of the... ♪ 659 00:34:19,927 --> 00:34:21,494 You good? 660 00:34:21,711 --> 00:34:23,931 I'm peeing. 661 00:34:24,105 --> 00:34:25,976 You're scrolling. 662 00:34:27,587 --> 00:34:29,110 Fuck off, Tarzan. 663 00:34:29,328 --> 00:34:31,112 No one made you come here. 664 00:34:31,330 --> 00:34:33,071 My bladder made me come here. 665 00:34:33,288 --> 00:34:34,898 You think you're so clever. 666 00:34:35,073 --> 00:34:37,075 I know you came here tonight to see me. 667 00:34:37,249 --> 00:34:40,208 Yeah, says the guy who followed me into the bathroom? 668 00:34:41,557 --> 00:34:43,864 What if I did? Does that frighten you? 669 00:34:44,952 --> 00:34:45,996 A little. 670 00:34:47,302 --> 00:34:49,913 Did you buy that? 671 00:34:50,088 --> 00:34:51,828 I kinda wanted to. Is that bad? 672 00:34:53,656 --> 00:34:55,397 Kind of. 673 00:34:56,659 --> 00:34:57,921 But you kinda liked it. 674 00:34:59,097 --> 00:35:01,882 You did. You followed me in here. 675 00:35:03,318 --> 00:35:04,537 Busted. 676 00:35:11,283 --> 00:35:12,588 Lindy. 677 00:35:13,633 --> 00:35:15,113 Lindy. 678 00:35:15,939 --> 00:35:18,899 Guess who's getting his big prize. 679 00:35:26,036 --> 00:35:27,864 Guess who's gonna open a bottle 680 00:35:28,082 --> 00:35:30,824 of not-to-be-opened-never? Me. 681 00:35:32,869 --> 00:35:35,872 Oh, it's--Richard. 682 00:35:36,090 --> 00:35:36,960 Richard? 683 00:35:38,832 --> 00:35:40,312 Dolores? Richard. 684 00:35:40,529 --> 00:35:43,184 Oh, God. Oh, God. 685 00:35:43,402 --> 00:35:44,751 Oh. 686 00:35:44,968 --> 00:35:46,318 Is that blood? 687 00:35:46,535 --> 00:35:48,146 Whose blood? 688 00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:50,626 Oh, is that-- is that human flesh? 689 00:35:51,410 --> 00:35:52,933 God. Richard? 690 00:35:53,325 --> 00:35:54,456 Richard? 691 00:35:55,283 --> 00:35:57,590 Richard, I'm--I'm--I'm sorry. 692 00:35:57,807 --> 00:35:59,983 I'm sorry. I-- 693 00:36:00,158 --> 00:36:02,551 Richard, I was angry and I was hurt 694 00:36:02,769 --> 00:36:04,988 and I thought a few pecks would even the score. 695 00:36:06,903 --> 00:36:08,035 Richard? 696 00:36:10,646 --> 00:36:13,649 Richard, please. 697 00:36:13,867 --> 00:36:17,175 Please, Richard, reveal yourself. 698 00:36:20,265 --> 00:36:22,441 Lind-- Lindy? 699 00:36:31,841 --> 00:36:36,063 Lindy? Lindy. It's all a dream, all a dream. 700 00:36:46,421 --> 00:36:47,857 Have I killed a man? 701 00:36:49,076 --> 00:36:50,730 A man of science, no less. 702 00:37:01,436 --> 00:37:03,656 Are you Anonymous? 703 00:37:03,873 --> 00:37:05,962 That is the only way this works. 704 00:37:12,012 --> 00:37:13,448 Okay. 705 00:37:14,536 --> 00:37:17,060 I'm not used to the whole cloak-and-dagger routine. 706 00:37:17,235 --> 00:37:18,975 You know, it's Scientific American. 707 00:37:19,193 --> 00:37:20,107 Do you know who I am? 708 00:37:21,108 --> 00:37:24,720 Yeah, you're... Anonymous. 709 00:37:25,243 --> 00:37:26,853 You passed. 710 00:37:27,070 --> 00:37:28,028 Drive. 711 00:37:37,124 --> 00:37:39,300 Hoo. 712 00:37:43,435 --> 00:37:45,698 - Richard. - Janet. 713 00:37:45,915 --> 00:37:47,265 Happy New Year. 714 00:37:47,439 --> 00:37:49,136 Happy New Year to you, too. 715 00:37:49,310 --> 00:37:51,878 Uh, what happened to your head? 716 00:37:52,095 --> 00:37:55,795 Oh, I just--I had an altercation with a bird. 717 00:37:56,012 --> 00:37:56,970 On the farm? 718 00:37:57,187 --> 00:37:58,276 Yeah, something like that. 719 00:37:58,493 --> 00:37:59,277 So, listen. 720 00:37:59,494 --> 00:38:01,322 I just wanted to say 721 00:38:01,540 --> 00:38:03,498 thank you for the quill pen. 722 00:38:03,716 --> 00:38:06,327 It, um, saved my life. 723 00:38:06,545 --> 00:38:09,112 Oh, well, the pen is mightier than the sword. 724 00:38:09,287 --> 00:38:11,027 I can attest to that. 725 00:38:11,245 --> 00:38:12,419 Where are you? 726 00:38:12,420 --> 00:38:15,815 I'm at the lab, in the creepy basement. 727 00:38:16,032 --> 00:38:19,775 Uh, here to reboot the, uh, thermal energy tank. 728 00:38:20,994 --> 00:38:22,822 You drew the short straw again? 729 00:38:23,039 --> 00:38:24,127 Uh-hmm. 730 00:38:24,302 --> 00:38:25,781 Bob should've stepped up. 731 00:38:25,999 --> 00:38:28,131 Oh, yeah. It's... It's okay. I was, um-- 732 00:38:28,306 --> 00:38:29,394 I was out anyway. 733 00:38:29,611 --> 00:38:31,831 Ohh? You on a date? 734 00:38:32,048 --> 00:38:33,136 No, no. 735 00:38:33,311 --> 00:38:35,313 I was, um-- it was a work event. 736 00:38:35,530 --> 00:38:37,097 You wouldn't guess where. 737 00:38:38,054 --> 00:38:39,317 Tell me everything. 738 00:38:39,534 --> 00:38:41,188 It was at Hilton's mansion. 739 00:38:41,362 --> 00:38:42,710 He invited all of us, 740 00:38:42,711 --> 00:38:45,235 me and the Bobs-- Well, not the Bobs so much. 741 00:39:35,285 --> 00:39:38,288 Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Oh. Oh. 742 00:39:38,463 --> 00:39:40,856 Oh, fuck. Oh. Oh. 743 00:39:43,946 --> 00:39:46,253 Happy New Year, Les. 744 00:39:46,427 --> 00:39:47,341 Oh! 745 00:39:57,438 --> 00:39:59,092 Where's Richard?! 746 00:40:00,310 --> 00:40:03,836 Who knows? Weren't you the last one to see him? 747 00:40:04,053 --> 00:40:06,316 How's the formula coming, huh? 748 00:40:06,491 --> 00:40:07,666 What have you got, 22 days left? 749 00:40:07,883 --> 00:40:10,103 Or is it technically 21 now? 750 00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:11,496 Lindy... 751 00:40:11,713 --> 00:40:14,542 Either way, I bet you're so close. 752 00:40:15,369 --> 00:40:19,417 Make that the epitaph of my tiny headstone, fucker. 753 00:40:19,634 --> 00:40:20,721 I didn't wanna tell you 754 00:40:20,722 --> 00:40:21,810 'cause I didn't wanna worry you. 755 00:40:22,028 --> 00:40:23,812 And I'm not worried! 756 00:40:24,030 --> 00:40:25,423 I've accepted. 757 00:40:25,640 --> 00:40:27,425 You can't solve the formula. 758 00:40:27,642 --> 00:40:29,296 I will solve the formula! Fuck you! 759 00:40:29,470 --> 00:40:31,254 You lie even to yourself. 760 00:40:31,429 --> 00:40:35,345 I've made peace with being six inches tall. 761 00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:37,086 I even kinda like it. 762 00:40:37,304 --> 00:40:40,438 And I plan to make the next 21 days of your life 763 00:40:40,655 --> 00:40:42,831 a living hell. 764 00:40:43,049 --> 00:40:44,180 What? Why? 765 00:40:44,398 --> 00:40:46,182 Careful, sweetie. 766 00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:47,619 Your ass is on fire. 767 00:41:00,370 --> 00:41:01,676 Oh, God. 768 00:41:01,894 --> 00:41:05,071 I've created a tiny monster. 769 00:41:08,161 --> 00:41:10,380 Oh! Oh, no. 770 00:41:15,516 --> 00:41:17,475 The stars have claimed one of their own. 771 00:41:21,522 --> 00:41:23,568 It's been an honor, Space Colonel. 772 00:41:37,016 --> 00:41:38,583 Oh. 773 00:41:43,022 --> 00:41:44,676 What the fuck? 774 00:41:44,893 --> 00:41:46,025 Where... 775 00:41:46,242 --> 00:41:47,505 where... 776 00:41:47,722 --> 00:41:50,508 I'll see your tiny cat, Dr. Littlejohn. 777 00:41:51,726 --> 00:41:53,293 And raise you a tiny, 778 00:41:54,555 --> 00:41:57,515 silenced reporter. 779 00:41:59,429 --> 00:42:02,520 Ta-da. 780 00:42:24,672 --> 00:42:27,196 ♪ Let's dance ♪ 781 00:42:33,420 --> 00:42:35,204 ♪ Let's dance ♪ 782 00:42:41,689 --> 00:42:44,562 ♪ Let's dance ♪ 783 00:42:44,779 --> 00:42:50,263 Put on your red shoes ♪ ♪ And dance the blues ♪ 784 00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:52,395 ♪ Let's dance ♪ 785 00:42:52,570 --> 00:42:54,789 ♪ To the song ♪ ♪ They're playing ♪ 786 00:42:55,007 --> 00:42:58,619 ♪ On the radio ♪ 787 00:42:58,837 --> 00:43:00,533 ♪ Let's sway ♪ 788 00:43:00,534 --> 00:43:05,931 While color lights up ♪ ♪ Your face ♪ 789 00:43:07,149 --> 00:43:09,587 ♪ Let's sway ♪ 790 00:43:09,804 --> 00:43:13,591 Sway through the crowd ♪ ♪ To an empty space ♪ 791 00:43:15,636 --> 00:43:17,595 ♪ Let's dance, let's dance ♪ 792 00:43:17,812 --> 00:43:19,684 ♪ Let's dance, let's dance ♪ 793 00:43:19,901 --> 00:43:21,599 ♪ Let's dance ♪ 794 00:43:28,257 --> 00:43:29,607 ♪ Let's dance ♪